Wednesday, June 1, 2011


To all the guys who creep along the highway and then speed up when you try to pass them, may an army of fire ants crawl up your play station.

Why do people dump things like old appliances in vacant lots in the dead of night when all they have to do is put them out on the curb. I think they like the feeling that somehow they are "getting over". Morons.

A helicopter mom (always hovering) was in the paper recently suing the Girl Scouts of America because they don't make gluten-free cookies. The GSA says there just isn't enough  demand. Here's an idea lady, buy your kid some gluten-free cookies and shut up.

My tolerance for stupidity was never very high, and as I get older, it just gets worse. After being in the workplace for 40 years, I learned to play nice by censoring myself whenever I encountered a jerk. It's just easier than going to war every time. Now that I'm a senior citizen, I don't care any more what people think of me. I'm a lot more likely to say exactly what's on my mind and let the chips (or my teeth) fall where they may. I'll still make an effort, but not much of one. Recently, while playing a round of golf at a charity outing with two younger guys, we were asked by the starter if it was OK with us if he added a single player to our group to make it a foursome. This happens all the time, and since golf is a game steeped in courtesy, people have no problem having a stranger join them. Most golfers are genuinely nice people you don't mind spending a few hours with. There are exceptions.

This guy was initially greatful for us allowing him to join the group. I explained that my two young companions were novices at the game, and that if that would be a problem for him, he could hook up with a more experienced group. He assured us he was a terrible player and that it was fine. He lied. He was a very good player and his impatience with my companions hitting their balls all over the place soon boiled over. He began giving unasked-for advice to my friends, embarassing them and making it clear they were slowing him down.

He then began yelling at the group in front of us for playing too slowly, something we all experience occasionally, but being gentlemen, we grin and bear it. If you saw Caddyshack and remember the Rodney Dangerfield character, you know what this guy was like. At one point this guy says to me: "I know my behavior puts people off, but I don't know what I can do about it." With my moron meter in the red zone by now, I told him straight out: "Why don't you just stop acting like an asshole." He blinked and then said: "You're right." See, that was easy...nobody ever told him he was an a**hole before.

I try not to pick on people who don't know better or who couldn't be different if they tried. They're stupid and there's not much anyone can do about it. I save my venom for people with an attitude who should know better. They need some push-back once in a while to remind them that not everyone will meekly take their crap. I should hand out silver bullets like the Lone Ranger after dusting someone off who badly needed it. I consider it a social service and I'm happy to contribute.


Looking for a worthy charity? Try these folks:
Children's Craniofacial Association


The Whiner said...

On behalf of all of us who have little tolerance for assholes, thank you. Your public service deserves a gold medal.

Jim Pantaleno said...

When you get old, you can join the club. It's very cathartic.

Joseph Del Broccolo said...

Well, if you've ever preformed a service, that was one!