I don't have any apps. To the best of my knowledge, I don't need any apps. I am probably in the minority on this issue. I am like Neolithic man looking on in wonder as Paleolithic man uses fire to warm his cold bones. I see the fire, I see the good it can do, but I don't understand it, and therefore, I fear it. Apps are everywhere. I see people taking out smart phones way more advanced than mine and doing things from ordering theater tickets to paying for their Starbucks coffee. I see these little black and white rectangles that look like Rorschach inkblots everywhere I look. These must be the magic symbols that activate the sleeping apps that turn your smart phone into, well, everything.
I've been thinking about taking the app plunge, after all, I want to be more hip and with it. For example, here's an app I could use. You select from one of over 2,500 companies (including all of the Fortune 500), and the app calls the company and waits on hold. When a customer service representative finally picks up on the other end, the app calls you back and you’re free to complain or chat as you will. As great as this app may appear, I can think of an immediate enhancement they should make. When you are finally connected to the customer service representative, they need an app that will help you make sense of the person's unintelligible Indian accent!
After seeing this next app, I'm thinking we might be getting to the bottom of the app barrel. This app does only one thing, it uses the iPhone speaker to blow a light puff of air. That's right, it can even blow out a candle using the smartphone. It's apparently for those unable to blow candles out without assistance, or those who like to annoy their pets. I would like to meet somebody who feels the need to own this particular app. I want to know how they use it. I also want to be able to say that I know someone dumb enough to pay for something to blow out candles.
I'm probably just not an app guy. Maybe if they came up with one that would fetch the TV remote or straighten out my golf slice, I'd consider it, but for now, blowing out my own candles is something I can still manage.
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