Sunday, July 3, 2011


I know the legions of the politically correct will gag on this, but I'll put it out there anyhow. Why do women walk around scantily clad, showing all their assets, and then get indignant when somebody notices. When all the merchandise is on prominent display, why be surprised when perspective customers show an interest. If the store's not open, why hang out the sign? Enough with the maxims, you get my point.

On the subject of compliments, I agree with Mark Twain...beware. He believes people are mainly interested in themselves, and only flatter others when they harbor an ulterior motive. Most seemingly innocent compliments have strings attached. So when out of the blue someone gushes over your wonderfulness, check the envelope carefully for surely there is a bill enclosed.

What is it with fat guys and motorcycles? I'm not talking "20 pounds overweight" fat, I'm talking "their shadow can kill a dog" fat. In thinking this out it occurred that maybe they just can't fit into cars; that makes sense. I don't know how the bike frame even supports them. I did a blog once about the worst jobs in the world. Being a seat on a fat guy's motorcycle has officially moved into the top three.

Speaking of bad jobs, we need to rethink the way we deal with the poor folks who hold these jobs. It's so easy to tee off on that nervous kid behind the McDonald's counter when he forgets the secret sauce on your Big Mac. We figure his life must already be in the crapper to be working here, how can one more chewing out hurt. Be the better person and save your sharp tongue for the condescending bitch at Nordstrom's who thinks she's better than you.

Is that the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff? No wait, maybe its a brain surgeon on 24-hour call, or a NYC Mayor who needs to be reached at any time while on his Bermuda vacations. Oh sorry, false alarm. It's just another one of those pretentious a**holes walking around with that Bluetooth stuck in their ear as if they couldn't possibly be out of communication with mission control for even a minute. Please.

Human perception is a tricky business. We see things so differently, especially when it comes to resemblances between two people. Sometimes a friend will say: "You know, you look just like so-and-so." Naturally, you wonder and you're curious to meet so-and-so to see this "double" of you walking around. When you do get introduced, you're usually horrified to see that he looks like the star act in a circus sideshow. Is that what I really look like! Shoot me now.

This isn't pleasant but it needs to be said. Summer is a great time, but the 'Wardrobe Horror' meter lurches into the red zone. Top of the list: ugly feet. Please don't wear flip flops if your feet are so disfigured that they cause children to cry. Next: donate the tank tops and Spandex pants to Goodwill if you're 80 lbs. overweight. Finally, older men who wear black socks with shorts, you look like you stepped out of a 1950s porno movie. Stop it.

In a letter to the Editor of the Daily News, a woman complained that they wouldn't let her take her Kindle e-reader into Yankee Stadium. Here's an idea the game. Root for your team, talk to the fans, have a hot dog, and enjoy the sunshine and green grass. It won't kill you to take a break from your pathetic electronic addiction for a few hours. (see Bluetooth.)


Looking for a worthy charity? Try these folks:
Children's Craniofacial Association

1 comment:

Joseph Del Broccolo said...

quite frankly: I like your attitude!